Each year, the month of May is set aside to remind us that mental health is real, not just in the United States but globally. I have not avoided discussing issues that surround mental health. There are many layers to the topic and a host of diagnoses that require professional interventions. Many suffer in silence because of the stigma attached to one’s mental health. One such population is caregivers. During my time as a caregiver, I suffered in silence. In part, because my loved one was counting on me to care for them from sunup to sundown. As a result, looking back, I demonstrated behaviors, said some “not so kind” things, and shut down inside. What I should have done was scream out loud. I should not have expected others to know what I was feeling. Caregiver, have to be reminded: family is not a mind reader. Let’s discuss ways to observe if a caregiver’s mental health is declining.
Caregiver Outward Behavior
Caregiver outward behaviors are observable while providing care. Sometimes what is witnessed are signs of frustration and fatigue. The day-to-day demands of caregiving are overwhelming, and without a support system, caring for loved ones can be compromised. One of the first signs that support is warranted is when caregivers begin to delay or avoid caregiving duties. A loss of patience or rushed behavior, because they want to get the task done. Responses are short and sharp, with no eye contact. These visible behaviors exhibit the caregiver’s internal turmoil and loss of well-being. Behaviors are often magnified when loved ones are unable to communicate(Dementia, Alzheimer’s, Stroke, Paralysis).
Caregiver Inward Behavior
The caregiver’s internal behavior is communicated as emotions. They may display a posture of loss or defeat. Withdraws from the role, meaning as little as possible is finished for the loved ones’ care — isolation, and attempts to hide it. Crying occurs without showing tears, and loss of appetite is unknown to others. When you hear that the caregiver’s health becomes a problem, it’s because of the internal struggle to hold it together and not let anyone know they need help. Help has always been a superpower many forget to use (once upon a time, this was me).
Help Is Real and Available
Help is available. Suppressing behaviors, whether outward or inward, is often a choice because we fail to ask for help. We go through the motions in silence to our own detriment, instead of addressing the mental capacity required to be a caregiver. Finding joy in caregiving takes a village. Speaking out loud about what the caregiver is experiencing is necessary to prevent behaviors that, if left unaddressed, can compromise mental health. Caregiving is seasonal. It does end, and you have to live on after the journey. Internal and external challenges are real and do not have to be handled alone. If this topic speaks to you, I encourage you to say out loud what you need. No guilt, no shame. It’s called self-care! Failing to read “self” can cause your mental and physical health to suffer.
As Your Proactive Caregiver Advocate, please acknowledge that your mental health matters. Caregiving is hard work, and to avoid feelings of resentment, guilt, and role-based behavior, look to your village for support, recognizing that family is not always your village. Local support, community services, church members, neighbors, and always resources, but whatever you do, do not punish yourself for being human. Be Safe! Be Well!
Dr. Cynthia J. Hickman is a retired registered nurse and case manager who serves as the CEO of Your Proactive Caregiver Advocate. She is excited to share her latest book, The Essential Caregiver Training Course for Corporations and Community. Her previous work, From the Lens of a Daughter, Nurse, and Caregiver: A Journey of Duty and Honor, and The Black Book of Important Information for Caregivers, reflects her experiences and insights from her heartfelt caregiving journey.