Sacrificing part of your life to care for a loved one will be one of the most fulfilling acts of unconditional love. Demanding yes! Uncertainties, yes! Heartbreaking, at times, yes! Confusing, yes! Life-changing, yes! A caregiver will face all of this and more. Caring for someone in our lifetime is more of a reality than one would think. Unfortunately, we don’t think this way, even as we watch our loved ones age before our eyes. Now that you may be facing such a challenge, what are some things you should know? Well, I’m glad you asked!
Most family caregivers are inexperienced and untrained. A life-changing event happens to a loved one, and just like that, new title, new role…caregiver! Most of us aren’t healthcare professionals. Most of us don’t recognize signs and symptoms of health problems that slowly creep up (i.e., confusion, swollen feet, shortness of breath, loss of appetite, constipation, forgetfulness) all signs of possible problems. Instead of seeking care, we assume these things will go away, and sometimes they do, but if they persist, it’s time for a healthcare visit. This may be the first sign of becoming a caregiver.
Becoming A Caregiver
I want to share a few things you may find helpful. I call them lessons learned with 20 years of experience under my belt. I hope they might make the journey less convoluted and muddled. Know that I am always here to support and encourage you as you navigate the world of caregiving. Let’s start with “YOU!
Have you heard the saying… can’t you pour from an empty cup? The reality is, once caregiving starts, for some reason we forget about ourselves. Avoid this mistake! It’s costly. We are consumed with all that our loved ones need, but “YOU” are a part of the need. Take care of “YOU!” Truth, you are no good to anyone if you do not put your oxygen mask on first. Time away is necessary! Don’t be afraid to ask for support from family, friends, church, or even your colleagues. They are more willing than you realize.
Endless Patience is Unrealistic
Caregivers do not have it all together all the time. We are human. We get annoyed! We get angry! We get tired. When your patience runs thin, and it will, tomorrow is another day. Remember, you are a newcomer to the world of caregiving; you have to reimagine your life and the one you care for. Recognize your limitations. Exhale and reset, and sometimes outside support like respite programs can assist.
Legal and Financial Documents
Don’t wait to put in place legal and financial documents. These documents are necessary if you are caring for a loved one. Many wait hoping things will change, and if they do, great, but if they don’t, it can be a problem. Power of Attorney, Healthcare proxy(a legal document that designates a trusted person to make medical decisions on your behalf if you become incapacitated or unable to communicate), beneficiary on financial accounts in case you have to do business for your loved one.
Caregiving is a Marathon, not a Sprint.
Many health challenges start slow and progress over time. Having some knowledge of your loved one’s health condition can help gauge what’s to come and what to expect in terms of progress. Taking inventory and sometimes making a list will keep the required care on track and help you not feel so overwhelmed. Have realistic expectations of yourself. This will help you feel in control, even when we are not. It’s called rolling with the punches!
Your Proactive Caregiver Advocate: deciding to become a caregiver means taking many different factors into consideration. We talked about self-care, patience, legal and financial documents, and buckle up; caregiving is not a sprint. Caregivers must understand that unconditional love is what caregiving is all about. Be Safe! Be Well!
Dr. Cynthia J. Hickman is a retired registered nurse and case manager who serves as the CEO of Your Proactive Caregiver Advocate. She is excited to share her latest book, The Essential Caregiver Training Course for Corporations and Community. Her previous work, From the Lens of a Daughter, Nurse, and Caregiver: A Journey of Duty and Honor, and The Black Book of Important Information for Caregivers, reflects her experiences and insights from her heartfelt caregiving journey.